Why?  I don’t know why the Heroes actress would do such a thing but this is a good way to get the blood pumping early this morning.  She goes from wet to dry in this reverse video portrait of her taken by photographer Tyler Shields. [via]

Recent photographs taken at an event in Las Vegas reveal a surprisingly light pigmentation on the former Chicago Cubs slugger.  Jesus, tell that dude to get on the roids again or something.

The Chicago Tribune spoke with Rebecca Polihronis, an acquaintance of Sosa, who claims that that “he is going through a rejuvenation process for his skin.”

Riiiiight.  Whatever’s going on, it’s clear he’s got the same disease as Michael Jackson.  And I don’t mean the touching little children one.

Thanks internets! From last week’s “Top Chef” where Padma Lakshmi and guest judge Natalie Portman drop their fair share of fellatio double entendres in 40-seconds. [via]

Well, shit.  If you thought his selection of movies roles was dubious before, you should probably prepare yourself for things like The Rock 2: Escape Back into Alcatraz, Con Air 3: Even Connier, Leaving Las Vegas: The Rehab Years, ad infinitum. 

Which is to say, the dude is broke.

“In a lawsuit filed Oct. 16 in Los Angeles, the National Treasure star, 45, claims that his longtime business manager, Samuel J. Levin, ‘lined his [own] pockets with several million dollars in business management fees while sending Cage down a path toward financial ruin.’”

Hold onto your seats because I have a feeling we’re going to experience a Nic Cage shit show the likes the world has never seen before.

I know everyone’s been talking about Andre Agassi’s meth addiction while playing tennis, but how come no one has been talking about his power mullet in the early 90s actually being a wig?

Crazy, just crazy.  I mean the wig, not Agassi on meth.  Which, I suppose is just as crazy.  But man I loved that dude’s hair.  It was so zeitgeisty.  So indicative of his “rebel” image.

“I asked myself: you want to wear a toupee? On the tennis court? I answered myself; what else could I do?” But the wig began to disintegrate as he took a shower the night before the Paris final — “probably I used the wrong hair rinse,” Agassi writes. He panicked and called his brother Philly into the room. Together, they managed to clamp the wig together using clips and pins.

Agassi, 39, writes: “Of course I could have played without my hairpiece, but what would all the journalists have written if they knew that all the time I was really wearing a wig? During the warming-up training before play I prayed. Not for victory, but that my hairpiece would not fall off. With each leap, I imagine it falling into the sand. I imagine millions of spectators move closer to their TV sets, their eyes widening and, in dozens of dialects and languages, ask how Andre Agassi’s hair has fallen from his head.”

The cat claws have come out, huh?  Bronson Pinchot, who’s acted up a storm over the years but will always be remembered as the immigrant Balky from Perfect Strangers, gave an interview to the AV Club a few days back and essentially called Tom Cruise a homophobe. 

“We thought Tom [Cruise] was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth,” Pinchot said in the interview.  “He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments, like, “You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?” I mean, his lingo was larded with the most… There was no basis for it. It was like, “It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.” Very, very strange.” 

Which, I feel like, everyone pretty much suspected anyways about Mr. Cruise.  Still, he had his publicist fire back, with nothing more than “obviously this is so far removed from who Tom Cruise is as a person, this must have been said in jest.”  It’s like Tom Cruise isn’t even trying anymore.  Very dissapointing. 

Still, if all this leads to a Bronson Pinchot renaissance, then I’m all for it.

Last week, Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian laid off my best friends. They were model employees of Comcast/E! Entertainment and now because Keeping Up With the Kardashians decided it was of the utmost artistic integrity to stage a television “wedding” some of the best people I know are looking for work.

The price for the lavish “wedding” was rumored to be a cool one million dollars — chump change to Odom who just signed a $33 million contract with the Lakers. Pocket cash for Bruce Jenner, a motivational speaker and hero of the 1976 Olympics. A sliver of Khloe’s inheritance money, better known as the Orenthal James Simpson defense fund.

You get the point. These were wealthy people and still they twisted E! Entertainment’s arm, probably not too hard, to pay for the wedding.

The company made a conscious decision to hold a fake non-binding (maybe it was real, I don’t know) wedding and then coincidently hold layoffs a few days afterwards. A total of 36 people were let go just after that magical ceremony. I’m not sure if there was a direct correlation, but I’m assuming all of their yearly incomes add up to just about a million dollars. At the very least a few jobs could have been saved by passing on the charade.

What kind of company can make such a cavalier decision?   MORE »

The public demanded it and now it is so! 30 Rock star Tracy Morgan has joined Twitter. 

And just in case you think it might not be the real Tracy Morgan, but rather his publicist or some kid he hired off the street, he just tweeted this: “my dickhead is shaped liked a darth vadar helmet. my dick is so fat it looks like r2d2.”

“My father was not a man with boundaries. He was full of love, and he was sick with drugs. I woke up that night from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father,” so recounts Mackenzie Phillips on the eve of her wedding when she was 19.  Her father, of course, is the  late-John Phillips of Mamas and Papas fame. 

This news is icky whether you believe her (somehow I do) or you don’t – since it means she’s inventing an incetuous releationship to sell books.  Such is the nature of modern American celebrity where it’s difficult to believe anything.  This is the type of secret that seems like it should stay between a person and their therapist.  It’s hard to determine if revealing this is foolish or courageous.  Regardless, it doesn’t really make me want to read her new book anymore than I didn’t already.

And the summer of death circus tour rolls on.

Only this time the only thing dying is my infatuation with Zooey Deschanel now that she is officially married to Death Cab’s Ben Gibbard. 

Chris Walla sorta gave it away on Twitter yesterday.

Despite almost crying and apologizing on Jay Leno’s new show last night, Kanye has still become the hottest internet meme in some time, with pictures cropping up everywhere of him interupting people with his now infamous slogan, “Imma let you finish.” 

Also?  Too soon for the Patrick Swayze one.  At least give it a few days.

“In his books The Tipping Point, Blink, and Outliers, bestselling author Malcolm Gladwell has dissected many inspirational underdog victories, but his own triumph over the opposite sex could well be the most inspirational of all. Since moving to New York in 1996, he’s cast his net wide and deep to amass a staggering tally of conquests. There’s been the poetess, the psychotherapist, the photographer, the filmmaker, the fact checker, the writer at The New Yorker, the bisexual literary siren….”

And they’re attractive women too!, or so claims Sean MacCauley for The Daily Beast.  Anyway.  I’ll save you the time from his annoying look at Malcolm Gladwell the seductor, and let you know that Gladwell gets laid many, many times in all likelihood because he’s a multi-millionaire best-selling author despite looking like Sideshow Bob. 

It probably helps that he’s smart, funny, polite, etc. 

Still, I’m sure there’s plenty of people who want to sleep with him just because.  Myself included?  No, but I had to think about it for a second.  He is Malcolm Gladwell afterall.  There’s no analysis needed to understand that.

Yes, the show, along with many others debuted in 1984.  Soleil Moon Frye, the actress who portrayed Punky Brewster, now a spritely 33-years-old, celebrated her one-millionth twitter follower by dressing up as the character one more time. 

Somehow, when I heard this news, I thought it would be steamier than it is.  It’s just kinda weird. She looks like most girls in Portland, who’ve perfected the art of taking three hours to look like they’ve rolled out of bed.  [via]