No word on if Indiana Jones was spotted nearby, but good news!: “The remains of a mighty Persian army said to have drowned in the sands of the western Egyptian desert 2,500 years ago might have been finally located, solving one of archaeology’s biggest outstanding mysteries, according to Italian archaeologists.  Bronze weapons, a silver bracelet, an earring and hundreds of human bones found in the vast desolate wilderness of the Sahara desert have raised hopes of finally finding the lost army — 50,000 strong — of Persian King Cambyses II, buried by a cataclysmic sandstorm in 525 B.C.”

Stop me if you’ve heard this joke before:  On the Brazilian Day of the Dead, Ademir Jorge Goncalves walked into his own funeral after his family had thought he had died in a car wreck.  Goncalves had actually been out drinking. According to CNN, “the sight of… Goncalves alive shocked relatives, some of whom tried to jump out of the windows of the funeral home in southern Brazil.”

Man what I would give to be in his shoes to hear what all my friends and family really thought of me.

I’m not sure why those responsible for erecting a statue to a beloved children’s television icon would design a scary, craggy monster looking statue; but then again, this is Pittsburgh (I have no factual basis to make that claim)?

The six-year project was unveiled on a drizzy day yesterday with the 11-foot bronze statue as a center piece to a children’s tribute area.  Still.  Did NO ONE look at the statue?!?  It is as frightening as the actual Fred Rogers was comforting and inviting.  It looks like the mythical Jewish rock Golem.

Good god, if there is anything more frightening than a bear, it’s the hairless variety.  Leipzig Zoo vets have been unable to determine what caused Dolores and all other female Spectacled Bears in captivity to suddenly go bald. “Some experts believe it could be due to a genetic defect though the animals do not seem to be suffering from any other affliction.  The bears, which originate from South America,  normally have fluffy dark brown fur and would now be growing a thicker fur coat to keep warm during the winter.”

Update: Yup, just as creepy when they are seen in motion.

Yup, the motorized La-Z Boy, which can reach speeds of up to 20 MPH, comes equipped with a stereo, a cup holder and a bumper sticker that reads “hell yeah it’s fast!” can now be yours.  It’s going up sometime next week on eBay because former owner Dennis Anderson will be serving a two-year suspended sentence for driving under the influence on this badboy.   [via]

You would expect this to happen in the amorphous southern region of the United States, perhaps after a NASCAR race, but times are changing folks. 

There’s an African-American in the White House and it was a Minnesotan who pleaded guilty to a DUI while riding a motorized La-Z-Boy.

“Prosecutors say Anderson’s blood alcohol content was 0.29, more than three times the legal limit, when he crashed into a parked vehicle in August 2008. He was not seriously injured,” the AP reports.  “Police said the chair was powered by a converted lawnmower and had a stereo and cup holders.”

To be honest, 180 days in jail is an acceptable trade-off for driving drunk on a motorized reclining chair equiped with a stereo and cup holder.

The middle of October is not a good time to die, especially if you expire from a gun shot wound to the eye.  Such was the predicament for Mostafa Mahmoud Zayed, who died a week ago last Monday.  His body, slumped on his balcony was discovered for several days because most people assumed he was a Halloweed decoration and not an actually dead person. 

Neighbors told RMG News cameraman Austin Raishbrook that they noticed the body Monday “but didn’t bother calling authorities because it looked like a Halloween dummy.”

“The body was in plain view of the entire apartment complex [and] they all didn’t do anything,” Raishbrook told the LA Times. “It’s very strange. It did look unreal, to be honest.”

Gawker has the story of the balloon boy officially being a hoax, the back story of which is good — really, really, good.  It’s also sad, pathetic and indicative of the times we live in. Curiously, Gawker paid for the story.

We promise this will be our last Balloon Boy story.  But his throwing up on The Today Show during the live taping is indicative of this entire insidious affair.  Deep down inside, we imagine his parent’s pressure to act as a publicity tool for their own agenda was eating away at poor Falcon and he just lost it.  [via]

Falcon on CNN’s Larry King Live appears to admit the Balloon incident was an elaborate hoax.

Falcon’s Dad: “Did you hear us calling your name at any time?”

Falcon: “Mmhmm.”

Falcon’s Dad: “You did?”

Falcon’s Mom: “You did?”

Falcon’s Dad: “Then why didn’t you come out?”

Falcon: “You guys said that, um, we did this for the show.”

Oops, right? Mom? Dad?

[via]

Alas!  The long, national nightmare is over.  Turns out the six-year-old was in a box. In the attic. The whole freakin’ time.

“I played with my toys and took a nap,” Falcon told a group of reporters outside his home after the entire country held their breath as his balloon rose from the Earth and crashed back down.

I guess this is when the media and parents can say our bad.  Good prank though.

Well played, little man, well played.

Actually, they are dying of chlamydia. The virus breaks out in Koalas anytime they become stressed out.  Which is now happening at alarming rates.  “Koalas are in diabolical trouble,” says researcher Frank Carrick, who heads the Koala Study Program at the University of Queensland. “Numbers show that even in their stronghold, koala numbers are declining alarmingly.” 

The virus can cause infections in the eyes and urinary, reproductive and respiratory tracts. It can cause blindness, infertility and death.

And I thought the Herpes virus I get from stress was bad enough.  Looks like the little buggers need to start smoking weed.

Seriously, if Obama could bring back Arrested Development, that would be change I could believe in.  [via Cynical C, whom also has a link to another funny protest sign]