IMAGE COURTESY OF CELEBITCHY.COM
Trying to piece together a weekend (or even weekdays) of Britney Spears is like playing “Clue”: you know you’ve got the candlestick in the billiards room, but where the fuck is Professor Plum? And when was he doing crystal meth at the Viceroy?
People mag, in their oh-so-humanistic-way, is rejoicing that mom Lynne and sister Jamie-Lynn flew into LA Friday evening from the Spears’ hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana, to meet with Britney. Notoriously back in June, Brit handed her mother a court order to stay away from her two children, Sean Preston and Jayden James, because she was under the impression Lynn was on medication that might impair her judgment while the boys were in her care.
IMAGE COURTESY OF HECKLERSPRAY.COM
Britney told reporters at the time that “I?m praying for her right now. [I hope] she gets all the help she needs.” And prophet that she is, Britney’s conclusions regarding her mother seem to echo what all of Hollywood is saying about HER, and everyone from Tatum O’Neal to 50 Cent have weighed in on the fate of Britney Spears (pretty much anyone TMZ catches outside a club is asked about Britney, it’s the go-to question for their paparazzi.)
But after a near four-month stretch, mother and daughter–who achieved literary fame with their co-written book, A Mother’s Gift–have reunited, ahem, according to People:
??Brit really needed her mom,? a source tells PEOPLE. ?So Lynne flew out and they met.? Sources say Lynne and Britney?s younger sister Jamie Lynn flew from Kentwood, La., to Los Angeles Friday evening. On arrival at LAX, the two were mobbed by photographers. Jamie Lynn, wearing eyeglasses, kept her head low, later covered by the hood of her sweatshirt. Despite the attention, the women made a quiet exit from the terminal, declining to comment or to acknowledge the group.
?Around 3 a.m., Lynne paid a visit to her daughter?s Beverly Hills home before driving the two of them to Spears?s new Malibu pad.”
So, remember that this is Friday. In a convergent turn of events, Britney was not scarfing cheese puffs on her couch while watching “CSI” reruns, waiting for her estranged mother and 16-year-old sister to show. OK! mag says she was out and about with former fling, record producer JR Rotem, which not-too-coincidentally rhymes with “scrotum.”
“Early Friday evening, Brit, producer JR Rotem and hanger-on Sam Lusty spent hours driving around Los Angeles and Beverly Hills being followed by a caravan of paparazzi, until utlimately ending up at the posh Peninsula Hotel, where Brit had holed herself up for a few days earlier this week, following the decision by Court Commissioner Scott Gordon to give full temporary custody of her two young boys to K-Fed.
Around 2am PT, the three louseketeers exited the Peninsula and drove, screaming at each other the whole way, to Britney?s gated community, The Summit, on Mulholland Drive, at which point Brit inexplicably gave her two traveling companions the boot at the gatehouse.
But the night was nowhere near being finished. A few minutes later, Brit comes roaring down the hill to The Summit?s entrance, where she begins to rant incoherently that her home had been broken into. Her driving was so erratic that she pulled up on a curb, damaging her tire so badly that it required repair ? which a friendly photog was more than willing to do for Brit.
Eventually, officers of the law arrived and went up to the house with Brit, JR and Sam, before returning approximately 45 minutes later. No word on whether her house was truly broken into, though all signs point to ?no.?
So, in the early morning hours, Brit and her pals packed back into her newly re-tired car and headed up the coast to her Malibu home ? where her mom and little sis had just arrived.”
Awwwwkward. Even more awkward is Britney’s blatant disregard for parenting. Not only did she not show up in court the day she lost custody of her sons to ex-husband Kevin Federline (whom, I’ve noticed, is less and less being referred to as “KFed” while Britney is more and more referred to as a “trainwreck”), in addition to ignoring the judge’s order of counseling, rehab, and drug/alcohol testing, but last Thursday, Oct. 4, her first scheduled day of monitored visitation, the meeting was a no-go. Spears sources are telling the media that the intercom system of her gated home didn’t work.
Meanwhile, TMZ has done a little investigative reporting to uncover that there was no intercom malfunction; Britney simply didn’t want someone telling her how to raise her kids (because she was doing such a fantastic job before).
“Sources tell TMZ the real reason Britney Spears didn’t answer her buzzer when her kids came to visit last Thursday is because she wants nothing to do with anyone who tries to tell her how to be a good parent.
We’re told Britney was well aware that her kids were coming at 10:00 AM. She had telephone conversations about it 10 minutes earlier. Britney’s big concern was that she didn’t want the parenting coach, who was in tow, to tell her how to interact with her kids.
So Brit’s solution was to not answer the buzzer, as her kids cried in front of the house and waited for 40 minutes before K-Fed’s bodyguard pulled the plug and returned home.”
If you’re thinking she needs rehab and fast, you’ve already anticipated the next plot twist of this weekend’s events, from Celebitchy: “Then around 7p.m. on Saturday Britney stormed out of her house, seeming to reject her family?s help. She continued her random tour of hotels and restaurants, stopping briefly at the Viceroy Hotel and The Ivy. She was followed by at least 36 cars full of paparazzi.” 36 cars? That’s like a whole parking lot more than a funeral procession!
But apparently, her fam rift wasn’t too wide; Britney went out for sushi last night in Beverly Glen with Jamie-Lynn and on their way in, reports DListed, “this crazy woman started yelling at her “Nobody wants you in this neighborhood Britney! MOVE! You are making this neighborhood very unsafe!”
Then Jamie-Lynn got in her face:
IMAGE COURTESY OF WENN
and told her, “Then move the fuck outta the neighborhood!” Whoa, Zoey101! Schooled by a 16-year-old!
So, like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of Britney…who really puts the “whore” in Whor’dourves.