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I arrived at the theater late because on my way I was swept up in a downtown protest against Scientology. There were people everywhere (and by people I mean mostly college kids and slightly older but qualifying them with a term like “young” would just make me seem crotechety and old, but they were my age) wearing Guy Fawkes masks and banderas and holding signs and chanting slogans all against Tom Cruise’s religion.

Now it turns out that this was supposedly a worldwide protest and not something limited to Portland, but the more time you spend in the city, the more you get used to the vibrant protest nature of its citizens and how they relish the chance to make their voices heard. In other words, Sunday afternoon’s protest was just another day.

I had two thoughts while making my way. The first was that the protest seemed kinda lame and pointless. I mean, if protesting Scientology is the worst thing our generation has to get uppity about I’d say that things are looking pretty good.

Secondly, well, it seemed rather tame for a protest. I want my protesters to get riled up, you know so it forces the police to break out the tear gas. Especially given the absurdity of the Seattle protest. You’ve got to love anyone who would rickroll the Church of Scientology in real life.

If you’ve ever been rickrolled you know just how absurd and stupid and funny it is. I should probably back up a bit, because you might be asking what the hell is getting rickrolled? If you’ve ever been rickrolled or know what it is, skip on down to the review, but if not allow me this aside.

Let’s say you’re surfing the internet and someone throws up a link in an article that seems so inticing you just have to click on it. You know it’s a link for like a Feist sex tape or something absurd. So you click the link and instead of getting a treat, you are instead tricked into watching Rick Ashley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up.”

At first your like man that sucks, but after the first few opening lines of the song you’re like hot damn I’ve just been rickrolled and I don’t even mind. So it’s an absurd internet prank.

Well, like I said, in Seattle Anonymous took the time to rickroll in real life, which as Rex says “I can’t even explain how complex and brilliant and stupid and wonderful and retarded that doing an IRL Rickroll on Scientology is.” Um, yeah, it’s sort of all of that. Even when I attempt to explain it. But mostly it’s just really really funny.

Imagine if you were inside the church what would you be thinking? Holy shit are they serenading us with Rick Ashley? Stop it, stop it, I can’t take it … oh this is actually kind of pleasant. Damn you Rick Ashley!!!!!

Chicago 10

Following the 1968 Democratic Convention in Chicago, eight people were put on trial including Abbie Hoffman, Bobby Seale, Jerry Rubin and William Kunstler. That moment in Chicago was pretty much the end of the hippie dream, the violence that erupted and the dawn of the Nixon administration.

So this was what was going through my mind walking into the new quasi-documentary, part-animated spectacular Chicago 10 from director Brett Morgan (The Kid Stays in the Pictures). And to be honest the movie is okay, certainly captures the feeling of being there if not recreating the events historically. Highly entertaining, with a great protest soundtrack (Rage, Eminem, The Beasties, etc. not your typical sixties protest music), but it was still lacking something.

The film itself uses archival footage to recreat the chaos of Chicago and then switches to crude animation for the courtroom scenes, which actually used the court transcripts. All I can say is what a circus that courtroom must have felt like, the absurd reaction to the swirling violence and chaos that took place in Chicago. It’s clear that Morgan is out to make Hoffman and his cohorts look like clown prince heroes of the revolution and to demonize the police officers, City of Chicago, etc. I’ve got nothing against that because he wears his bias on his sleeve.

The movie is entertaining enough, and the voice work of actors Mark Ruffalo, Hank Azaria, Roy Scheider, Liev Schrieber, Nick Nolte, Jeffrey Wright and Dylan Baker are all top notch. Though it’s not exactly the first movie I’d recommend for people to learn about this seminal event in American history. Furthermore, it strikes me that our parents have failed us. For a generation of people intent on changing the world they sure have positively made it worse. They probably look at us and our comical rickrolled protests of the Church of Scientology, but what else is there for us to do? We live in a world with the inescapable feeling that regardless of our actions there isn’t much we can do to change the world. It’s a Kafka-esque feeling, but one entirely derived from our parent’s failures.

Though, I’m not exactly one to talk. Being the editor of a snarky publication isn’t doing much to help affect change. As for the movie, if you’re into animation, or offbeat documenaries, or American history, or just protesting then certainly check this one out when it hits DVD.

So now that we’ve all had a few days to process the madness of Tom Cruise’s Scientology video a few things have become clear. One, he’s a fucking loon. Two, we had no idea what he was talking about. Three, it’s very possible Mr. Cruise was waaay past the legal drinking limit.

Thankfully, for those of us that care to understand what he was mumbling about, MTV has put together a lexicon of terms that get name checked.

Among them:

“It is something that you have to earn”: Cruise is referring to taking Scientology courses. According to the church, to get to the higher levels of Scientology — he’s an OT VII, the highest level is OT VIII — you must complete a number of courses and auditing sessions, a sort of Scientological take on the Catholic confession. And it all costs; depending on your level, the tab for wisdom can be hundreds if not thousands of dollars. To finally learn what the basis of Scientology’s precepts are (about how we got remnants of space aliens known as thetans trapped in our system), you must attain the level of OT III. The secrets of Xenu aren’t free!

“Am I going to look at that guy or am I too afraid?”: Cruise’s relentless stare is actually a technique from “Success Through Communication” training routine (TR) drills. According to former and current members, pre-clears have to learn to look someone straight in the eye for hours. It’s supposed to generate self-confidence and intimidate the other party. No blinking!

“… Because I have my own out-ethics”: The church says ethics are moral choices but belong to a distinct moral system, based on LRH’s book “Introduction to Scientology Ethics.” If you misbehave, you have “out-ethics.” If you’re behaving, you have your ethics “in.” To put your ethics “in” someone else, as Cruise later says, is to make someone else conform.

“The ability to create new and better realities and improve conditions”: “Conditions” refer to LRH principles, which are charted on a scale. It’s a Scientologist’s goal to “improve conditions,” which means improving your relationship with yourself and to those within your group. The “conditions” (in order) are: confusion, treason, enemy, doubt, liability, nonexistence, danger, emergency, normal, affluence, power change and power, according to numerous accounts of church practices. These are the practical applications of “ethics.”

I’m not going to slag Cruise, because that would be almost too easy and his passion alone has almost brainwashed me into thinking this whole Scientology thing is soooo bad. But then again, I always remember this one summer vacation I took with a friend. His dad bought me an L. Ron Hubbard book to read because he knew I liked science-fiction and nice thoughts aside I was way more influenced by my friend’s grandmother going ape-shit over someone buying me an L. Ron Hubbard book and insisting that I never read such garbage.

Also: If you are the curious type you can read about Dianetics and Scientology for further brainwashing reading.

In light on Tom Cruise’s crazy Scientology indoctrination video, if that’s what you call it cuz I’m still trying to get over how he put his ethics on me even after I said no, but to Tom no means yes. Anywaaay, the video really made us think of his other foray into motivational techniques. It was back in the halcyon days of 1999 and Tom told men everywhere to respect the cock.

Should we have seen the latest video coming in light on director PT Anderson’s magnum opus Magnolia? Probably. Forget ethics, crimions, SPs and whathaveyou. Let’s just seduce and destroy.  One caveat: NSFW due to Tom’s foul Scientological mouth.

Interesting bit of news. Beck has been linked to the double suicide of artists Jeremy Blake and Theresa Duncan. Though the NY Post makes it seem like Beck was responsible for both artists for committing suicide, which isn’t really the case at all.

Beck had Blake design the album artwork for his brilliant album, Sea Changes and then supposedly he was going to act in a movie made by Duncan, but backed out last minute because of Scientology.

But Duncan said the Los Angeles-based Beck backed out, fearing that his Scientologist handlers wouldn’t like the movie, Vanity Fair reported.

“[Beck] really, really tried to get away . . . [by] using going to NY to be in ‘Alice Underground,’ ” Duncan e-mailed a friend in late 2006.

“He told me he wanted to leave the cult desperately, and this what they do when someone knows that.”

The thing is people back out of projects all the time, so regardless if Beck did, should that really drive two people to take their lives?

Beck said he was only casual friends with Duncan and Blake, and certainly had no intentions of leaving the Church of Scientology.

“That’s ridiculous. Totally false,” Beck told the mag about his alleged agreement to work on “Alice.”

“Had we been closer and discussed anything as personal as religion, I would have only had positive things to say about Scientology.”

Regardless, Beck probably doesn’t like being tied to this story in this manner.

Seems Will Smith can save the world, but he can’t defend himself against Tom Cruise and Scientology. One more super-duper celebrity down 5,000 more to go for L. Ron Hubbard’s biggest disciple.

Smith tells Men’s Vogue, “I’ve studied Buddhism and Hinduism, and I’ve studied Scientology through Tom [Cruise].”

Apparently his wife Jada is into it to. “She’s more gung-ho about Scientology than Will,” says a source closes to the couple.

Smith continued, “Ninety-eight percent of the principles [in Scientology] are identical to the principles of the Bible. . . . I don’t think that because the word someone uses for spirit is ‘thetan’ that the definition becomes any different.”

A little bit of me just died inside.