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Normally, a premise as hackneyed as this one — two brothers go off to war and when one is suspected of being dead his widow falls for the living brother — has about as much chance of being a decent flick as it does a Lifetime Original.

But the talent behind this picture is too huge to ignore. Director Jim Sheridan is back to challenging, emotionally human interest drama (we’ll forgive him his paycheck cashing 50 Cent gangster flick) with the talents of Natalie Portman, Jake Gyllenhaal and Tobie Maguire in front on the camera.

A few heads were scratched when it was announced that Darren Aronofksy would be following up his 2008 Oscar-nominated film The Wrestler with a psychological thriller set in the world of ballet, tentatively titled Black Swan. Myself included.

Really?  A movie about ballet.

And now, at least according to Script Shadow, we might have some idea as to why.  The film stars Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis as rival dancers in NYC fighting over the lead role for a production of Swan Lake.  Oh, and one of the two dancers might be another version of herself.  Sounds like a premise that Aronofsky could make interesting, given that Requiem for a Dream is still one of the most frightening movies I’ve ever seen.

But the other reason to get excited for this 2010 release is that, “Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis have sex,” the review reads. “Yeah. You read that right. And not just nice sweet innocent sex either. We’re talking ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex.”

I honestly had a hard time reading much past that sentence and partially hope it isn’t true.  These types of things tend to overshadow a movie.

 

It’ll forever be difficult to top the one where Michael Cera gets molested, and if you’re going to making a marginally funny episode with forced awkwardness, it might as well star Natalie Portman’s amazing legs and her adorable dog Whiz passed out on the carpet.

She is incapable of looking bad.  A woman in a land of little girls.

With things going to shit, Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones have put out a PSA advocating for puppies.  This video is a whole lot of cuteness, perhaps the cutest video ever made in the history of video.  Though it makes us wonder if Funny or Die has reverted into one big funny-har-har PSA website.

Now I know I’ve referenced hair extensions in two separate posts already, so to avoid making my Natalie Portman mention feel so singular, I’ve decided to post again on Natalie Portman…who apparently has a dirty mouth. And not a Sally Field-political-rant-that-must-be-bleeped, but an honest-to-goodness cuss word. Not your dad’s fav “bullshit” or your mom’s fav “motherfucker” but the Holy Grail of Inappropriateness: cunt! And to make matters worse, it was during a speech in tribute to Julia Roberts‘ cinematic contributions!

From Bricks & Stones:

“There’s one incident from the Cinematheque tribute to Julia Roberts that you WON’T see when the show airs on AMC in December. Julia became quite friendly with Natalie Portman when they filmed “Closer” in 2004 and Natalie was one of the people to pay homage to her.

Onstage, Natalie recalled that after their movie wrapped, she sent Julia a necklace that spelled out the word C**T (because they’d used so many “dirty words” in the movie). Only she USED The C Word. (The charity gala audience was thoroughly shocked.) With a chuckle, Natalie went on to say that Julia, in turn, sent HER a necklace that said ‘LITTLE C–T.” Again the crowd was aghast at the language.

Natalie finished up with “By the way, since I’ll surely be bleeped – I was referring to an intimate part of the female anatomy.” We’re guessing Natalie’s whole appearance might be edited out.”

I’m sure many a monacle broke in the audience.

Slashfilm has been following a 17-minute short film written and directed by Wes Anderson titled Hotel Chavelier. Oddly, this is the first we’ve really seen of anything regarding this film. It stars Jason Schwartzmann and Natalie Portman and works as a stand alone short flick, but also as a prequel to Anderson’s upcoming feature length The Darjeeling Limited.

This should be interesting for several reasons. The first, is actress Natalie Portman is rumored to appear nude in the film. Which would be worth the price of admission alone. Secondly, who doesn’t love a bad Wes Anderson flick. Everything he’s done, including commercial work for AMEX, has been pretty darn good. We’re not saying the movie is bad, we won’t know until it become available on iTunes tomorrow for free, but we’re just saying the chances of this being bad are almost slim to none.

We just got word that the film will premiere to the public at four Apple Stores (Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, and San Francisco) on Tuesday. So if you’re in any of those cities, you might want to head down to your local minimalist white and glass computer shop to see Anderson’s short film. But fear not lazy friends, the short will become available for free on the Apple iTunes movie store the next day, and will also be available on the eventual Darjeeling DVD release.

However, the LA Times is reporting that Anderson would like to add the Hotel Chevalier short to the theatrical showings after the first few weeks (the same type of stunt was done to Napoleon Dynamite).

So whether you’ll see this before the theatrical release or on the festival circuit or in an Apple Store, you’ll be able to download it free of charge on Wednesday and see if the rumors are true. Oh yeah, you’ll probably be entertained with Anderson’s trademark whimsy.