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It would take a lot to get me to go on a cruise.? I just don’t see the inherent joy in spending a week on a floating mall.? Like other modes of travel, cruises have lost the sophisticated luxury of their heyday.? Sorry, but if I want to go eat at Ruby Tuesday’s I’ll do so without the ocean beneath me.

Concert cruises, like Jam Cruise, could potentially swing me in the other direction.? Meaning, if I’m going to spend a week on a ginormous boat in the middle of the ocean I’d rather do so getting sloppy drunk and listening to some rad tunes and then chill on some awesome beach for a few days at a time.

The appeal of hitting golf balls and climbing a rock wall aren’t there for me, but neither is hunkering down in a private beach on some third world country (there is a distinction between a this type of beach and other beaches.? Somehow private beaches owned by a Cruise Line seems oppressively colonial.).

Would I pay to spend a week on a Pink Floyd-themed cruise? I dunno.? Pink Floyd in general sorta scare me.? I love their music, but it’s scary sci fi shit that I have to be in a particular mood to listen to.? i.e. not floating around the ocean.? What about a Bob Marley-themed cruise?? Or perhaps something a bit more upbeat.

Kiqstart Music, an entertainment company based in New York, and Think Floyd USA, touted as the number one touring production of Pink Floyd in the country (in other words, a cover band), are hosting the three-night voyage on the Carnival Imagination in May 2009.

Dubbed the “Great Gig in the Sea,” the outing will include elaborate performances by the Pink Floyd mimickers (who claim that they have received personal acclaim from Pink Floyd star David Gilmour himself) — including a complete rendition of the album Dark Side of the Moon. Pink Floyd trivia contests, parties and games also are planned. Cabins for the cruise, which leaves out of Miami on May 1, 2009 and includes a stop in Nassau in the Bahamas, start at $379 per person, based on double occupancy.

Head to Greatgiginthesea.com to book your cabin.? It should be noted that the real Pink Floyd is nowhere to be seen on this cruise and that it’s Think Floyd USA, the cover band, that will be supply the good times.

Jam Cruise is sort of like a vacation for hippies, wherein, instead of packing an outdoor festival with tons of bands and the wondrous scent of pachouli, the creators decided to go old school. As in let’s rock it grandma style and get all those hippies onto a boat.

I imagine the kind folks at Carnival are looking at taking some time off, if for nothing more, that to avoid that hippie smell, you know the one that’s a weird combo of b.o., swass, buds and dank beer. And if you think I don’t like that smell, well, you’d be wrong. There’s something oddly alluring about it. Much better than moth balls.

Anyway, so basically imagine a stellar lineup of bands, cruising from Florida, to Honduras to Mexico and back in January 2008. This year’s lineup is pretty good featuring among others: Yonder Mountain String Band, Dark Star Orchestra, Michael Franti & Spearhead, Soulive, Galactic, Karl Denson, Toots & The Maytals, and local Vermont gal Grace Potter and The Nocturnals.

All the bands play two sets during the five day cruise and based on past cruises one should expect lots of special guest sit-ins, maybe even a little hair of the dog with the bands the next morning.

Tickets go on sale June 4. Best be breaking out those life preservers now. Though we like to have a little fun with the Trustafarians, what is there not to love about grooving on the high seas? What say you - whom should sit in with whom?

Photo by Robb Cohen 2003