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Because it’s Florida and because separation of Church and State matter little and because, um, why not?

[Via blogs.tampabay.com]

Police ticket a man’s car seven times.  And then they realized there was a dead body inside the entire time.  Whoops. 

At 4 p.m. Monday, a resident of College Park called police about a car that had been parked in the 1900 block of NW 2nd Avenue for several days and had been ticketed seven times by city employees.

Police detective Bennie Smith said Waldo was seated face-forward on the passenger side of the back seat, was fully clothed and had the car’s ignition key in his possession when he was found. A loaded pistol was found inside the trunk of the car.

“We don’t expect the cause of death to be foul play,” Smith told The Sun on Wednesday afternoon.

City records show a ticket officer issued seven tickets to Waldo’s BMW, with the first ticket being issued Feb. 12, the day after Waldo was last seen alive.

According to Kameg, Smith said the reason the ticket officers apparently did not notice someone slumped over in the BMW may have been because the window tint on the car was illegally dark.

Well, okay, that explains everything.  Tinted windows!

Oh, Florida.  Seems like the craziest of crazy news emanates from that humidity-drenched hellhole.  Let us briefly count the ways:

1) Mother cages 17-year-old son, gets 20 years in prison.

2) Middle school teacher enslaves Haitian girl.

3) Jack Thompson is from there.

And now, a 14-year-old boy was handed over to juvenile police officers for breaking into a Central Florida home and ordering $129 worth of porno movies on the family’s TV.

The Channel 6 article is a delightful romp in the garden of sin.  My favorite bleached quote:

Palm Bay police said the family had just returned from shopping when the boy was found watching television.

Yes, he was “watching television.”  He order $129 worth of porn to “watch.”  No, Channel 6, Little Jimmy was feverishly masturbating on the family’s couch, shedding a tear or two for his lost soul and hopeless, pathetic future.

The case of Little Jimmy leaves many unanswered questions.  Let us briefly explore these questions:

1) What kind of porn was he watching?  Gay?  Straight?  Bestiality?

2) How has he evaded the knowledge that the Internet features billions of websites devoted to free porn?

3) How much porn does $129 buy?

4) How did Little Jimmy expect to watch $129 worth of porn in one sitting?

5) Did he have lube?

Because he’s a minor, these questions may never be answered and we, as a nation, may never achieve spiritual peace.  Alas.