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Mary-Louise Parker of “Weeds” fame (insert “toke”n joke here) has adopted a baby girl from Africa, her rep tells People, to join her 3-year-old son, Will, by actor Billy Crudup (remember him? He left her after seven years together for Claire Danes? And remember the movie Crudup and Danes were in together? Thought not). Way to expand the fam, girlfriend!

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds premiered their love–where else but the airport! The two, who have been dating since April, have been coy about romance rumors but now this holding hands business seals the deal. According to A Socialite’s Life, Reynolds, who had a long engagement with Alanis Morissette, “is a big fan of moving forward” with Johansson, but the latter would prefer to move slowly. Here’s a tip in moving slowly: don’t match your accessories until at least eight months into the relationship.

Dave Grohl can say some pretty funny things (I mean, who better to make fun of Mentos than Dave Grohl?), but this takes the cake. Via I Don’t Like You In That Way, Grohl comments on why Paris Hilton rules. PSYCH! More like why she sucks: “Paris is fucking lame. She’s more offensive to me than anything. She’s a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her.” And millions of fathers share your prayer…Paris, in retaliation, will have her publicist come out with a statement like, “Paris has never met Mr. Grohl, and doesn’t know why he would spend so much time thinking about her. She has always been a big fan of his music and she wishes him the best in future endeavors.”

Despite Lindsay Lohan’s rehab stay now nearing two months, sources at Cirque Lodge are reporting that she is being treated for sex addiction, in addition to her dependencies on drugs and alcohol. Reports Metro UK: “A source told US Star magazine: ‘She’s been having erotic dreams about her former lovers, like Calum Best, Wilmer Valderrama, and Jared Leto.’ ‘Her counsellors are trying to get her to understand that she’s substituting one addiction for another.’ The insider added: ‘Besides the obvious dangers of STDs, having indiscriminate sex can lead to emotional heartbreak, and that can lead to drug and alcohol abuse. If she doesn’t come to grips with this, Lindsay is going to find herself back in rehab-sex addiction.’” Just like rehab to be so judgmental and slap you with another label when they find you having sex in a bathroom stall with a fellow patient.

Billy Crudup, who we are still convinced, will become more of a household name one day, even though he’s been on the perch for about ten years now; he has allegedly signed onto Zak Synder’s Watchmen adaptation as Dr. Manhatten.

The role of Dr. Manhattan has already been spurned by both Jason Patric and Keanu Reeves (his vacant expressions and wooden method acting would have been perfect). But Crudup (Almost Famous, Big Fish, Mastercard Commercial narrator) seems to be the choice.

A very reliable source tells me that Snyder has settled on Crudup for the role of Watchmen?s only super-powered character, a scientist who accidentally gets annihilated on an atomic level and reconstructs himself into a big, naked, blue, floating demigod.

Again, I would expect an official announcement at Comic Con, or the days leading up to it, but in the meantime, go rent Almost Famous and Jesus? Son to get a look at who Dr. Manhattan is. By the way, a superhero film starring Patrick Wilson and Billy Crudup and Jackie Earle Haley? Could this be the first Oscar-contender superhero movie? Feels like it?

FYI Jackie Earle Haley was recently seen in Little Children and the remake of All the King’s Men. He’ll be playing Rorshach and Patrick Wilson was dynomite in Hard Candy. That was a creepy and claustrophobic affair, certainly worth renting. He’ll be playing The Night Owl. And yes, this does feel like an Oscar-contending cast, and with the source material and director the possibilities are endless.

Expect announcements aplenty during The Watchmen panel at Comic-Con. And if you really want to see Billy Crudup shake his shit, then go rent Stage Beauty right now. His performance will leave your jaw on the floor.