The Sly Oyster | culture & entertainment on the sly

Nintendo’s Wii revolutionized how games are played.  Its motion-sensitive controller put players in the front row, waggling a stick around like an uncooked lump of salami, looking foolish and playing subpar video games for kitsch—and therefore temporary—value.

Anyway, since you can lob that white stick around and play tennis n’ stuff, Nintendo made the next logical step: Beer Pong.

Right? That’s what you were thinking too, right?

Naturally, Nintendo’s Beer Pong came under intense scrutiny from tight-assed politicians and anti-booze advocacy groups all over the place.  They changed the name from Beer Pong to Pong Toss, because that makes a boatload of difference.

In an unintentionally hilarious example of bad journalism, CBS Channel 4 out of Columbus, Ohio, posts this wonderful headline: Video Game Under Scrutiny For Resemblance To Beer Pong.  Uh, it’s not a resemblance, idiots; the game was called Beer Pong.  It is Beer Pong.  Pay attention.  Furthermore, the first 3.5 paragraphs of the article have nothing to do with the videogame.

Aside from being a Wii game, there is one huge problem with Pong Toss.  First, the joy of Beer Pong is … wait for it … drinking beer.  Playing the same game on a television screen using a videogame console?  Not as fun.  I suppose you could drink the beer sitting next to you upon scoring a shot and thereby avoid the messiness inherent in tossing objects into full glasses of liquid, but doesn’t that remove most if not all of the fun?  I can’t imagine hitting up a kegger only to be greeted with a 52″ HDTV connected to a Wii, surrounded by hairy apes saying, “Pick up a controller; let’s play some Beer Pong!”  I’d leave.  Immediately.  Because that’s dorky.

Despite the hullabaloo, it appears Pong Toss will still be published and sold.  I eagerly anticipate its sales numbers.  In fact, I want access to databases showing exactly whom buys this game.  I want to talk to each and every single buyer of this game and explain to them that college is over and it’s time to get a job.

The cost for barley and hops, the two main ingredients in beer, have risen 30-40% over the past year. For craft brews that means consumers can expect to pay $5 a pint and $9 a six-pack. This is very distressing news.

“Our ingredient costs are up 40 percent from last year,” said Rob Widmer of Widmer Brothers Brewing, one of the largest craft brewers in the country after its recent merger with Redhook. “We’re talking about how much we’ll eat and how much we’ll have to pass along.”

Call it a quadruple whammy: Hops and barley acreage has been declining — hops because of a 10-year glut and barley because many farmers are planting corn for ethanol instead. Ethanol has also diverted corn from the feed market, often making it more lucrative to sell barley for feed instead of to the malting houses that supply brewers.

But wait, there’s more: Two years of failed hop crops in Europe, a 2006 warehouse fire in Yakima that destroyed 4 percent of the U.S. crop and two years of disastrous barley harvests in Europe, Australia and Ukraine. Factor in a weak dollar that has the world clamoring for our hops and barley and you have the makings of a uniquely bad patch for brewers and consumers.

It’s bad news for Oregon, where all our 60 or more brewing companies are craft brewers and where we consume craft beer at three times the national average. The beer industry has a $2.24 billion impact on the state’s economy, says the Oregon Brewers Guild.

Let’s just hope this isn’t as bad as expected.

Yes, it’s that time of year for all the amateur drinkers to come out of the wood work for their national holiday. The McPatty Pubs will be opening up at 8 a.m. (at least in Boston) and plenty of revellry will take place. So what’s a faux-Irishman to do on this day?

In Boston, they’ll be no short of activities, but the weather doesn’t look like it’s going to cooperate. We’ve got snow, snow, snow and more snow on the forecast for the weekend. It’s too bad, because when the weather cooperates and St. Patty’s falls on Saturday it can be absolutely mayhem here.

The annual Parade in Southie kicks off at 1 p.m. They’ll be plenty of house parties in Southie to crash. Or maybe you’ll be holing up in an Irish Pub? Not us. We’re protesting the closing of the Tir Na Nog in Somerville, arguably the finest Irish Pub not in Dublin. We know it hasn’t closed yet, but still.

In the fine tradition of that Irish craic we offer up a debate as to who’s the best Irish musician or band? Take your pick from Flogging Molly, The Dropkick Murphy’s, Van Morrison or the Pogues. Maybe you rock out to Thin Lizzy, The Cranberries, Sinead O’Connor, The Frames, or The Corrs? Anyone have any other suggestions? We’re going with the self-destructive Shane McGowan and his band The Pogues. They’re certainly one of those bands I wish I could have seen in a seedy Dublin bar back in the day. I’m sure there was nothing that could compare to their drunken energy.

U2 doesn’t count. Not since Bono started making everyone feel guilty about not helping to make the world a better place. Fuck him.

Maybe you’ll want to check out Ken Loach’s The Wind That Shakes the Barley. Or rent any of the early work from director Jim Sheridan, before he sold out and did that 50 Cent movie.

If you’re looking for a stout to drink not named Guinness, may we suggest Murphy’s, Offshore’s Imperial Stout, or Young’s Oatmeal or Double Chocolate Stout. All are excuisite stouts.

Mp3: Dropkick Murphy’s - Finnegan’s Wake

Mp3: Floggy Molly - Salty Dog

Mp3: Van Morrison - Moonshine Whiskey

Mp3: The Pogues - If I Should Fall From Grace With God

I love great food and lots of beer!