A Superhero Civil War is Brewing in Seattle

When you think of superhero stomping grounds, you would initial think of Gotham or Metropolis or even the faux-NYC created by Marvel Comics. One doesn’t necessarily think of Seattle, or The Emerald City, as being a hotbed of superhero infighting.

But that seems to be the case, as two rival superheros have begun to amp up the nasty rhetoric.

“For the first time, we have someone who agrees with our overall purpose but doesn’t agree with our methods. I suppose it was bound to happen, but it’s definitely a growing pain within the community,” said Knight Owl, a Portland, Ore. member of the Real Life Superhero faction, to the Wall Street Journal.  “Whether intentionally or not, he’s representing the  community now, and that makes some people nervous.”

He, of course, would be Phoenix Jones, who became infamous in Seattle, for his physical confrontations with would be drug dealers and criminals resulting in a broken nose, being stabbed and shot. Because of his high profile and vigilante sense of justice, Jones was blackballed by the other superheroes in Seattle, and so he did what any respectable crime-fighter would do — he formed his own legion, the Rain City Superheroes, which counts amongst its members: Buster Doe, Pitch Black, Blue Sparrow and Ski Man.

I shit you fucking not.

Okay, let me compose myself. Still with me? Good. Because, after Knight Owl fired a shot across Phoenix Jones’s bow, Jones responded thusly: “Handing out food to the homeless is an entirely worthy thing to do, but it’s not what superheroes do. If you’re going to drive a fire truck, people are going to expect you to put out fires. If you dress up like a superhero, people are going to expect you to fight crime… I don’t see the point in handing sandwiches to homeless people in areas in which the homeless are getting abused, attacked, harassed by drug dealers.”

So here’s the thing. Most of these real life superheroes like to dress up and help the less-fortunate by delivering food and whatnot to people in need, or just patrolling the streets at night to “make them safer,” like a stunted adolescent version of the Guardian Angels. But in a way, totally awesome, right?

Back in January, with the two factions growing apart, there was a peace accord to bridge their differences. But there was too much Israeli-Palestinian animosity going on and each group’s preferred style of crime fighting soured the other. No peace was reached. Now, the superheroes of Seattle are being forced to choose sides between RLSH or the Rain City Superheroes.

“Whether intentionally or not, he’s representing the [superhero] community now,” says Knight Owl. “And that makes some people nervous.” And that has many worried, including the police.

Added Zetaman: “I don’t need this kind of macho crap in my life and I don’t need to prove myself to anyone, least of all to Phoenix Jones and his Rain City Superhero Movement.”

This is pretty much the best story I’ll do all week. Here’s to hoping Phoenix Jones ends up morphing into a heel and becomes the arch-nemesis to RLSH, with all the resulting bloodshed, violence and hilarity that comes from it.

Comments on this entry are closed.