Introducing The Thong Bandits

IdiotsPolice in Arvada, a suburb of Denver, are searching for two suspects in conjunction with robbing the Diamond Shamrock convenience store earlier this month.

According to the police report: “Brightly colored women’s thong underwear disguised the identities of two men during the robbery. . . Arvada police believe two Latinos entered the gas station at 6802 Wadsworth Blvd. just before 5 a.m. on May 16, donning the underwear over their faces and demanding cash from the clerk on duty. The suspects fled the scene with an undisclosed amount of money and cigarettes.”

The problem, however, aside from paying homage to Sisqo’s classic tune “The thong Song,” is that the disguise hardly covered either man’s face in the same way that the dental floss garments hardly cover a female’s privates.

What were they thinking? Other than starting a new fad amongst robbers, did they really think a thong would make the best underwear disguise? Why not boxers or even briefs.

[pause to imagine how this conversation went down between the two suspects. Three, two, one and resume reading]

Helping Arvada Police further, is that one of the suspects wore a short sleeve shirt and forgot to hide his distinctive tattoos. Police describe that suspect as “between 5-foot-8 and 5-foot-10, and weighs 180 to 200 pounds. He also has short black hair and has a cross tattoo about 6 inches long on his right upper arm and a tribal tattoo on his left upper arm. He was last seen wearing a blue thong over his face.”

It might be safe to assume that he is no longer wearing the blue thong on his face. Though with the intelligence shown during the robbery it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s sitting in a darkened corner with his cigarettes and undisclosed sum of money (i.e., barely enough to cover gas this week) thong still barely covering his face awaiting the police for a Scarface-sized showdown.

Say hello to my little thong! [Denver Post]

Comments on this entry are closed.