Sex and the City gets Fergalicious

And just when I was mentally convincing myself that I could sit through two hours of the cloying and annoying foursome of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and um, the slutty one, what was her name? Oh yeah, Samantha. Who actually got Breast Cancer at the end of the show and it was quite affecting. No lie.

I’ll cop to appreciating the reruns on TBS, the show did grow on me, once I put my grumpiness aside. And certainly sitting through the movie is the least I could do for my girlfriend after dragging her kicking and screaming to plenty of Hellboy, Superman, X-Men geekerific movies over the years.

Still, the theme song from Fergie for the Sex and the City Movie makes me want to vomit in my mouth and hold it there for a minute. Because that prospect sounds infinitely better than having to listen to “Labels and Love.”

A sampling of the lyrics that we seriously did not make up: “shopping for labels, shopping for love,” “I know my credit card will help me put out the flames,” “Stop chasing those boys and shop some more!” (ack!!) she honks away in an aggravating autotune (it’s like they put a bolt in her head to block out any remote traces of intelligence in the words). There’s actually some musical motifs in there from the piano-dancing original ‘Sex’ theme which is just painful. Or as the press release says, the iconic theme is “re-imagined as a fabulous pop song.” […]

Fergie said in a stock statement. “I grew up watching ‘Sex and the City’ and I know a lot of my girlfriends did as well. We felt like these characters were our friends, so to be a part of this project has been amazing. I’m such a fan of the show and am very flattered that they asked me to be involved.”

Right. Anyway. The show’s theme song was a fine and dandy piece of faux-jazz. Couldn’t just leave well enough alone could they?

Sex and the City shops it’s way into your heart and theaters on May 30.

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