Fuck Yeah America: The Greatest Speech Ever

Tim “Wild Thang” Lepard delivers a rousing showcase of oration at a Peoria Chiefs minor league baseball game. That’s one way to put it. But let me see if I can wrap my head around what is undoubtedly the greatest American oration since Lincoln’s “Gettysburg Address.”

There are goats on the top of a truck. Tim Lepard comes out to the John Williams “Superman” soundtrack. There are two monkeys riding with him on dogs. Then, he says “and in 1962 a little boy was born and his dream and his goal was to own a monkey.”

Never before has one line summed up the dreams, the aspirations and the stirrings of a generation. I haven’t cried so hard since Kevin Costner played catch with his ghost dad in an Iowan cornfield. If one day I’m in a position to own cowboy ninja monkeys, then you can sure as shit believe that I’m going to.

On another note, the only thing that could possible make this better would be to have a dolphin cooking pork chops on a floating grill.

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