Michael Phelps ripping bong hits

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It’s only natural that you’d want to live it up and let yourself go after accomplishing your life’s goal of winning 8 Gold Medals at the 2008 Beijing Olympics.  So kudos to 23-year-old swimmer Michael Phelps for doing just that.

“Phelps was in town to a see a sorority girl he was dating, but spent the entire weekend getting stoned every night, throwing down beers and smoking pot,” the British tabloid magazines said, of his trip last November to South Carolina.

“At one point someone asked him if he wanted to smoke some weed,” a source told Star. “Michael didn’t hesitate and headed to a small back room, where he was immediately handed a big red bong.”

Here’s the thing.  I don’t think any less of Michael Phelps, but that $30 Wal Mart he’s smoking out of is definitely unbeffitting his stature as one of the world’s best athletes.  Dude, you gots to start carrying around your own signature Michael Phelps Bong.  It should be completely gold with eight chambers to hit from.  In fact, what you need is a Michael Phelps hookah, available only in gold.  You could roll up to any party in style and no one would judge you.

Instead, you’re grovelling and apologizing for being young and on top of your game.  Phelps said: “I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

Translation: I engaged in behavior which was regrettable (not really since that night was awesome) and demonstrated bad judgement (by letting some asshat take a photo of Michael Phelps ripping bong hits).  I’m 23 years old and despite the successes in the pool (c’mon it’s me we’re talking about here!  I just won 8 freakin’ Gold Medals at the Olympics.  I’m an athletic hero to millions),  I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way (only if you count the groping that went on later that night!) not in a manner people have come to expect from me (especially grandma who was totes disasppointed in those photos.  Grandma, I’m sorry).  For this I am sorry (not so much but you’re buying this right?  Right?)  I promise my fans and public that it will not happen again (it will, but that I’ll be confiscating camera phones beforehand so this type of awkward photo doesn’t make the papers again).

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