Don’t Even Reply

I’m enjoying the hell out of Don’t Even Reply, mostly because he’s an asshole to unsuspecting strangers.  Scotty D. passed me the link this morning and I’ve spent the better part of my work day perusing the various entries. 

As he thus puts it himself: “This is a collection of e-mails I have sent to people who post classified ads. My goal is to mess with them, confuse them, and/or piss them off. These are the ones that succeeded.”

What makes this site succeed, other than the hilarity involved, is that despite being an asshole to people, he seems to be doing this for his own enjoyment.  I get the feeling that he was doing this long before the site was up and running for his own bemusement and that makes me giddy.  One day he was probably like, yeah maybe I should throw these up on a website.

To wit:

Original ad:
i want a black kitten if you have one please let me know thank you
From Mike Partlow to **********@**********.org


I have a kitten that I want to get rid of. It is my girlfriend’s kitten, but she went on a three month vacation to France and is probably cheating on me every chance she gets, so I am going to get rid of her kitten to spite her. The kitten is only a month old.

Unfortunately the kitten is not black, it is white, but I can dunk him in a can of black paint if you want. I have acrylic latex enamel paint, but if you are allergic to latex, I also have polyurethane semi-gloss. I personally think the semi-gloss would make the kitten nice and shiny.

Let me know if you want him.



From sarah ******** to Me

ummmmmm no thanks. i dont think that would look right and its prob realy bad for the cat

From Mike Partlow to sarah ********


I assumed you were allergic to latex and went ahead and used the semi-gloss. The kitten looks adorable now! Do you want to come by and pick him up?


From sarah ******** to Me


From Mike Partlow to sarah ********

Sarah you’re coming to get the kitten, right? You should get him soon. He keeps trying to lick the paint, and I don’t have the time to keep watching him to make sure he doesn’t.

From sarah ******** to Me


From Mike Partlow to sarah ********

Oh, so that’s how you do business, Sarah. You made me waste half a can of paint for nothing. I demand at least $10 for compensation.

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