So, it’s been quite a while since I’ve had a chance to post, and I’m going back to an old favorite of mine: Totally Hot Women on TV.

Lest you think that I’m some wretched fanboy living in a basement who has nothing better to do than fantasize about women that I’ll never meet, I should point out that I live in an attic and not a basement. And that I passed whatever the maximum age is that can be classified as “fanboy” several years ago. As to the rest, no comment.

In one of my last posts, I was arguing for the idea that we had entered a new Golden Age in television, particularly for the hour drama. I think we may have achieved Diamond status for the IBBSI (incredibly Beautiful Babes per Square Inch). Telemundo and Univision are solidly in the Platinum category (if you ignore futbol) but we have definitely narrowed the gap.

Even sticking with only the shows that might be worth watching—ie., not much CW or Fox, no E! or Lifetime or Spike—the list is long, so I’ve separated it into two parts. First, the dramas. Second, reality shows and traditional sitcoms.

I’ll try to limit individual comments, and just list the women by show, but obviously feel free to add to the list in the comments or give us grief/props for our selections.  MORE »

No, I’m not warming up for the Olympics. The USA Network has shown once again that–over the last several years–it may be the most consistent cable outlet on television when it comes to developing interesting and entertaining shows on its own. (They also do a nice job advertising the network shows that they rerun. “NCIS: the show with more initials than any other show on TV!” That’s good stuff.)

I’m not dissing the quality of shows on other outlets such as The Shield or The Closer, but for sheer consistency….

USA has been slowly refining their approach over the years and has found a nice niche. Over the years their big shows have been La Femme Nikita, Dead Zone, The 4400, Monk, Psych and Burn Notice. They have all had attractive stars and exceptionally fine writing and none were the typical cop/hospital/lawyer series that are so ubiquitous elsewhere on the dial.

The new addition to the list is In Plain Sight, starring Mary McCormack as Mary Shannon, a totally balls-to-the-wall (so to speak) Federal Marshal working in the Witness Protection program. Aside from the normal perils of her job, she has to deal with her dysfunctional mother and sister who don’t know that her job is actually dangerous.

Mary M just recently celebrated a birthday, so it seemed like a good time to give y’all a heads up. From the pilot and the previews, it looks like In Plain Sight has all of the excitement, action and smart ass humor we’ve come to expect from shows like Psych and Burn Notice.

Strangely, it takes place in Albuquerque, NM which is also where AMC’s excellent Breaking Bad takes place. What’s up with that?

There is a free online novel that takes place in the Firefly universe being put out by sci-fi author Stephen Brust. I confess I am not familiar with him, but those who are seem very appreciative of his talents. I can’t tell you how good it is, because after reading the first couple of pages, I had to drop everything to make sure that I got the news to everybody in Oysterland.

If you’re like me, and find the best thing about the Whedonverse is the way he crafts dialogue, I think you will not be disappointed.

The novel is My Own Kind of Freedom, which can be downloaded here.

Law�& Order has been one of the longest running dramatic series in television history,�18 years and counting. It was the first series on television to make screenwriting the �star� of the show, where the self-contained episode’s plot (often ripped from the headlines) took precedent over the actors involved.�

In the first few seasons, Michael Moriarty was mesmerizing as the obsessive and passionate Executive Assisstant District Attorney (ADA)�Ben Stone. When he suddenly quit, it was assumed the show would suffer. Instead, Sam Waterston, whom according to Newsweek�comes off as very�”presidential,” came in as the steady and�disciplined Jack McCoy, and the show � solid ratings and all � barely skipped a beat.

In the ensuing seasons, there have been several cast changes: Paul Sorvino, Chris Noth (now on his second tour of duty with the franchise), Benjamin Bratt and Jerry Orbach among the detectives; a succession of smart, young and beautiful ADAs such as Angie Harmon, Carey Lowell, Jill Hennessy and Alana de la Garza.

After many, many seasons, even Steven Hill finally relinquished his role as the DA, to be followed by Dianne Wiest and Fred Thompson.

NBC, thrilled to have new episodes ready to go, because let’s be honest what else is there to watch�on television?, has flogged the premiere of the new season, which aired yesterday�and on subsequent Wednesdays at 9/8 c.

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With all the DVD releases recently, you may have missed Michael Moore’s SiCKO. It is even possible, you weren’t really looking for it. Isn’t Michael Moore over? Hasn’t he shown he isn’t really a documentary filmmaker but a propagandist? In short, isn’t he just a little too biased?

The short answer to that question is: Of course, he is. But let us examine the bias inherent in asking that question. Due to the fact that Moore’s chosen medium is the film documentary, pundits tend to get very hung up on how “factual” his movies are. While I believe that Moore strives not to include any INCORRECT information in his pieces, that does not guarantee that his films are factual or even correct for that matter.

Everyone knows that it is possible to tell the truth, without necessarily telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Yet, there is something which Moore’s critics just don’t get: Whether or not his films are completely “factual” DOES NOT MATTER.

First of all, even the most balanced documentary is innately biased. Just as in so-called hard news, there is a built-in slant merely by choosing your subject or the story you choose to tell. Look at the administration’s attempt to get news stations to not report only the “bad news” from Iraq. Although Moore makes documentaries, he has no aspirations toward journalism. He is a provocateur. Not an agent provocateur, for he is no covert operator. On the contrary, for Moore, the more overt, the better.

Moore’s goal is two-fold: Making films entertaining enough so that he needs a wheelbarrow to go to the bank, and in the process provoke debate. Along the way he’s become a lynchpin figure, someone so divisive it’s difficult to look past the personality and examine only the content.

Does he let us know where he stands on the issue? Sure. But can we give movie-goers a little credit, here? No one who watches Sicko is going to come out thinking to himself, “Gee! I think I should move to Cuba since they have such nifty health care.”

The visit to Cuba is there for the shock value and the contrast. It would be as if Moore had visited Iran, been arrested as an enemy combatant, and found himself granted the rights of habeas corpus and due process. We would sit up and notice because we would not expect justice under such a repressive regime, and because it would throw our own deplorable policies into such stark relief.

A lot of folks have avoided this film thinking that it is Moore’s plea for �socialized medicine� for the U.S. The actual subject of the movie is people who HAVE insurance, yet still somehow manage to not get the care they need when they need it.

At least with Moore, you go in knowing up front that you are going to get a specific point of view. Moore does not pretend to be “fair and balanced.” But his films pose some important questions.

How do we save communities when corporations move their jobs elsewhere? Why does the US have so many gun deaths compared to any other country? Why did the middle class vote against its own self-interest when Bush was transparent about his desire to take care of the rich and corporations over them? Why do we accept that government can be trusted to be relatively efficient and equitable when providing police and fire protection, roads and bridges, and Social Security but not health care? Why are we satisfied having the most expensive health care per capita in the world? All important questions indeed.

Moore’s critics would rather harp over minute details, like say changing the issue to his going to Cuba, than answer the important overarching issues. Moore does not attempt to provide answers himself; nor should he. He knows he is not a policy maker. But thank God there are still some people out there, journalists be damned, who are willing to ask, “Why?”

Yesterday, I suggested �collecting� writers, as opposed to actors or directors, as a good method for deciding which films to see. We started with five; here is the remainder of the top ten.

Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel

Geniuses at comedy which still manages to tug the proverbial heart strings. Occasionally farcical, melancholy but never maudlin, these guys are true masters of their craft. If Wilde was right, that dying is easy but comedy’s hard, than they may be the hardest working duo in filmdom.

They hit the big time with their first feature out of the gate It made Darryl Hannah and John Candy into stars, and catapulted Tom Hanks straight on to the A list. Then they followed with a string of comedic gold by churning out Gung Ho, the first of three of their screenplays each of which were vastly improved by the casting of Michael Keaton (Night Shift and Multiplicity); then the vastly underrated comedy/drama Parenthood and finally, the superior A League of their Own, again with Hanks.

Billy Crystal was a four-time lead in their movies; he starred in City Slickers and he also them co-write City Slickers II, Mr. Saturday Night and the rom-com Forget Paris, with Debra Winger.

More recently, they wrote EdTV, Where the Heart Is and Fever Pitch; the last being a singular achievement in that it is the only movie in which Jimmy Fallon has ever been funny.

Ganz and Mandel are, about as mainstream as it gets. You say you like your writing a little more edgy, a little bit out there?

Charlie Kaufman

I’d say Charlie Kaufman is your man. The film that lift him out of the obscure world of episodic television was Being John Malkovich, followed by the Michel Gondry-directed Human Nature.

Then came Adaptation, in which he wrote about a fictional version of himself and his twin-brother trying to overcome the problems inherent in adapting Susan Orleans “The Orchid Thief” which then morphs into the screenplay for the film audiences watch. He and his brother are co-credited with the screenplay, for which they both won Academy Awards. Kaufman does not have a twin-brother, let alone any brother. It was a bit heady for some, but for others it was the sort of quirky meta-storytelling that felt so right in so many ways. An adaptation and a satire of Hollywood all rolled into one.

Next, for George Clooney’s directorial debut, Kaufman adapted the autobiography of Chuck Barris, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. The masterpiece, of sorts, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind needs no introduction since it has become practically everyone’s favorite movie is you’re between the ages of 25-30.

His current project, in post-production, which will also mark Kaufman’s directorial debut is Synechdoche, New York, which if you look up the word synechdoche, you get a definition what makes you think, huh? And you weren’t even close to pronouncing it right. If you can figure out the plot then you’ll be our best friend.

John Milius

John Milius isn’t quite so big on metaphor and linguistic twists and turns. He wrote the serious bombs, Red Dawn and 1941. But, he did write the equally ridiculous�but much more entertaining�Conan the Barbarian. And, don’t forget that 1941 had a crapload of talented people attached including Belushi, Zemeckis and director Steven Spielberg; so, it may be unfair to lay the blame at Milius’s feet.

He is considered the man’s man writer, because he wrote the iconic first two Dirty Harry movies. He is capable of subtlety, however, as in the top-notch The Wind and the Lion and Coppola’s epic Apocalypse Now.

Thematically, he has written about war and combat numerous times, but the reason he makes my list is for a movie about a man who has had enough of war, just about enough of humans in general, and decides to go be a mountain man. One of my top five films of all time, the flawless Jeremiah Johnson. I can’t imagine that there is anyone who has not seen it, but if not, PLEASE do yourself a favor and go rent this movie. I won’t waste words and ruin the pleasure of it for you.

Paul Haggis

Paul Haggis is a fascinating case, a man who is a multiple Oscar winner for screenplays with complex, interweaving stories, whose early career showed none of that potential. He started out as co-creator and writer on Walker: Texas Ranger. Yeah, okay, it’s not like the show was completely unwatchable, but I don’t think William Goldman was losing any sleep at night thinking about Paul Haggis. Several trite sitcoms later - Different Strokes, Facts of Life and Who’s the Boss all appear on his resume, although he also had episodes of L.A. Law and the criminally underwatched Due South.

And then, all of a sudden in 2004, Clint Eastwood directs Million Dollar Baby from Paul’s first draft of the screenplay; it wins for Oscars including Best Picture and Best Screenplay. Next year, same story with Crash, except he is also the director. He has gone on to write Flags of Our Fathers, co-wrote Letters From Iwo Jima with first-time screenwriter Iris Yamashita, and co-wrote Casino Royale, which has revitalized the Bond franchise. He wrote and directed the recent In the Valley of Elah, and has the new Bond film currently in production. Let’s hear it for late bloomers!!

Steve Zaillian

When the phrase �prestigious screenwriter� is used, Steve Zaillian is often the guy in question. He had already written the heartbreaking Awakenings (Robin Williams’ best on-screen work until the creepyOne Hour Photo), The Falcon and the Snowman and the little seen for no known reason, Searching for Bobby Fischer. The movie about a young chess prodigy also pushed actor Chaz Palmentieri into some of the best work of his career and that’s saying something. When Steven Spielberg fingered him to adapt Thomas Keneally’s book, Schindler’s List the two of them produced, arguably, one of the finest benchmarks in cinema history. He worked with Milius on Clear and Present Danger and wrote the first Mission Impossible.

We then have the perfectly adequate A Civil Action and Hannibal, followed by the more ambitious Gangs of New York under the hand of Scorsese. In many respects, that movie not helped reestablish Scorsese into a period of creativity that has yet to cease, but it also shepherded Leo DiCaprio into the second phase of his career by allowing him to portray a conflicted young man. 2005 produced the underrated The Interpreter and this year, the excellent American Gangster. He doesn’t escape the unwritten rule that sometimes the best writers produce the biggest bombs. In his case: the horrible mess that was 2006’s All the King’s Men remake.

What with the holidays being a time for arts and crafts, and the current writer’s strike, it’s appropriate to all take a moment to acknowledge the art and the craft that is writing. I’d like to suggest that, if you are a true movie fan, you need to start paying attention to screenwriters.

I have a “Top Ten” list of writers who rarely let me down when it comes to providing enjoyable entertainment (Although most have at least one big stinker!).

The conventional wisdom is that film is a director’s medium and TV is a writer’s medium and that is somewhat true, with the lines being blurred so much recently. Bad direction can sink a great screenplay, and television often gives more time for things like complex character development. But a good screenwriter can definitely improve your odds of catching a great film. It’s the old adage that a good director can’t overcome a bad screenplay and a bad director can make a good movie from a good screenplay.

I actually began to compile this list long before the strike, but the timing is serendipitous. Most of us moviegoers tend to “collect” favorite stars and/or directors and make an attempt to see their movies when the come out. It isn’t quite like the old days where a “bankable” star could just about guarantee a successful opening weekend (usually considered to be box office receipts equal to at least one half of the film’s total budget). Unless of course, your name is Will Smith.

Huge stars like Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry and George Clooney couldn’t guarantee success for perfectly good films like A Mighty Heart, Things We Lost in the Fire, or Michael Clayton. So without further ado, I’d like to celebrate the art of screenwriting, an often overlooked aspect of filmmaking. We have five today and then five more tomorrow. This isn’t actually an ordered list, so don’t expect us Oysterites to numerate and give you the “number one greatest screenwriter.”

And by all means, if you have a personal favorite let us know in the comments below.

Lawrence Kasdan

The first guy who I really started noticing as a screenwriter was Lawrence Kasdan. He wrote the screenplay for Empire Strikes Back, my favorite Star Wars film, followed by writing and directing one of my favorite modern noir films, Body Heat, and then wrote the screenplay for Raiders of the Lost Ark.

In Continental Divide he made John Belushi believable as the lead in a rom-com, he wrote Return of the Jedi, and then wrote and directed everyone’s favorite movie about yuppies, The Big Chill. He’s followed those with Silverado, The Accidental Tourist, Grand Canyon, The Bodyguard (pure pap, but entertaining nonetheless), Wyatt Earp and Mumford. The notable stinker: the Stephen King adaptation, Dreamcatcher. At his best Kasdan manages to make the epic seem personal and even the personal, like a weekend reuniting with friends over an unexpected death seem positively gargantuan. That’s no easy feat to accomplish.

John Patrick Shanley

I noticed the next guy for much the same reason I noticed Kasdan: he wrote several movies in a row I liked, which were all in different genres. John Patrick Shanley showed amazing versatility when he wrote Five Corners, a 1960s period drama with Jodie Foster and John Turturro, followed by Moonstruck, and then a great quirky murder mystery called January Man.

These were followed by the hilarious and sort of modern classic rom-com Joe versus the Volcano, the “cannibalism” drama about the soccer team crash landing in the Andes mountains, Alive!, and the Michael Crichton adaptation, Congo in 1995. He hasn’t done much since then, other than a notable TV movie, Live from Baghdad.

He has a new movie in production called Doubt, based upon his own play which won the 2005 Tony Award, 2004-2005 Drama Desk Award, and the 2005 Pulitzer Prize. Doubt is about sexual abuse allegations at a Catholic School.

Nora Ephron

I admit it: I am a (straight) guy and I usually like romantic comedies. If–IF–they’re smart about it. Or have Meg Ryan or Julia Roberts in them. Nora Ephron, known primarily for that specific genre, has actually written some good dramas (Heartburn, Silkwood) and the romantic fantasy, Michael, but she will always be known for hitting the rom-com trifecta with When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve Got Mail.

Coincidentally, My Blue Heaven and Mixed Nuts are both underrated Steve Martin gems and though the meta-adaptation of Bewitched never really clicked with viewers you’ve got to at least give her credit for trying to make a television show adaptation clever and unique.

John Sayles

John Sayles is in the enviable position of usually directing his own screenplays, and of being an indie filmmaker whose projects nearly always make (at least some) money. Enough to allow him to make his next movie, anyways. He started with genre crap like Piranha and Lady in Red, but quickly distinguished himself with The Return of the Secaucus 7.

Some more crap, and then he went on a creative tear with a series of critically acclaimed films such as Baby, It’s You, Brother from Another Planet, Matewan, and Eight Men Out. He created a much beloved and extremely short-lived TV series called Shannon’s Deal, starring Jamey Sheridan.

Consequently, he may have single-handedly rescued Burt Reynolds’ career with Breaking In, followed by City of Hope, Passion Fish, an instant children’s classic called The Secret of Roan Innish. Lone Star, Limbo, Sunshine State, Silver City and Casa de los babies continued his streak of critically acclaimed independent work.

William Goldman

I want to be William Goldman in my next life. He writes successful novels, sometimes adapting them into successful screenplays. He is one of Hollywood’s most successful “script doctors”, rescuing other screenplays from mediocrity. And he writes original cinematic stories, as well.

Even if the only thing he had ever done was The Princess Bride that would make him one of the greatest of all time, but there’s more. Commentary by me need not apply to these movies: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Stepford Wives (1975), All the President’s Men, Marathon Man. (If Psycho made a generation afraid to take a shower, and Jaws a generation afraid to go in the water, MM made a generation afraid to go to the dentist.)

He adapted Stephen King’s Misery, cemented Robert Downey, Jr’s stardom with Chaplin, wrote a nice update of Maverick, then turned in Absolute Power and The General’s Daughter. Interestingly enough he shares his major bomb as co-writer with Kasdan on Dreamcatcher. Mum’s been the word since that turd of a movie, but I’m sure this won’t be the last we hear of William Goldman.

Tune in tomorrow for the final five screenwriters.

So, it’s been a several weeks, you had time to checkout American Gangster and Beowulf, possibly in 3-D possibly not, and have finally gotten around to seeing Jerry Seinfeld’s Bee Movie. And you probably thought, �That was an okay movie. A unique look to the animation, decent story, pretty good voiceover work.�

Fifteen years ago, circa 1992, however, you might have thought it was a very good, perhaps nearly great movie. Perhaps even mind blowing. Remember when you used to go see the newest Disney animated feature and were pretty much guaranteed a good to great movie that �the whole family could enjoy?�

During what could arguably be considered Disney Animation’s Silver Age, that started with 1989’s The Little Mermaid, and continued with a string of hits including The Rescuers Down Under (1990), Beauty and the Beast (1991)[the only animated movie to be nominated for the Academy Award's Best Picture], Aladdin (1992), Lion King (1994), Pocahontas (1995), Mulan (1998) and Tarzan (1999).

In other words there was pretty much Disney�and then everyone else. No matter how much you liked Don Bluth’s work, which inlcuded All Dogs Go To Heaven and The Secret of NIMH, among others or even Nickolodeon’s animation like Rugrats: The Movie, or claymation, or the Muppets, none of them gave you the feeling you had just watched a great feature film, which just so happened to be animated.

Well, the world keeps turning, and in 1995, smack-dab in the middle of Disney’s run of excellence, the animation world shifted on its axis. A new studio, purchased by Apple co-founder Steve Jobs from George Lucas’s Lucasfilms and creatively headed by John Lassiter, Pixar released the first computer animated feature-film Toy Story.

It was a technologically revolutionary movie but at its core, and by extension all of Pixar’s subsequent releases, one that adults could not merely enjoy, but that they could wholeheartedly embrace. It’s my thesis that the writers at Pixar have taken a page or two from the Golden Age of Chuck Jones and Tex Avery. That is to say, they write strictly for adults, and depend upon the look of the film and the sight gags to keep the kids entertained.

(I’m watching Pepe LePew the other day, he’s pretending to fire a machine gun at the cat he is pursuing while they are both flying through the air. He shoots and then calls to her, �You have been pierced by the ak-ak of my love!� Even in the fifties or sixties, I don’t think a lot of kids are making that connection.)

With their update on a classic style of storytelling (honoring the very ACME of cartoon art�sorry, that was horrible, but I could not resist) Pixar began an unprecedented string of modern day classics that has yet to be broken, earning seven Academy Awards and unprecedented amounts of box-office dollars for animated features. Consider it’s world-wide box-office: Pixar’s lowest grossing movie was it’s first, Toy Story, and still brought in $361 million dollars; it’s highest was Finding Nemo earning an astounding $865 million.

It is a run that rivals the best runs Disney has ever put together. Toy Story, A Bug’s Life, Toy Story 2, Monster’s Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Cars, and Ratatouille. By the way, if you aren’t hanging around for the final credits in these movies, vous etes un imbecile!

Just how good are they? Well, I absolutely LOATHE car racing and I LOVED Cars (I laughed, I cried, yadda, yadda). Ratatouille is just out on DVD, I challenge you to name a recent movie where you laughed out loud more. Besides the empirical creative genius on screen, the Museum of Modern Art in NY paid tribute to the company two years ago by holding an exhibition of artwork. Need I say more?

Disney’s jumped back into the fray with the new animated/live action hybrid, Enchanted, which some critics are saying is the freshest and funniest Disney release in years. Could be, but for the last 12 years, watching the lights go down and seeing the wobbly lamp bounce across the screen and then what follows has been the epitome of enchantment. If there had never been a Roger Rabbit, with its mix of live action and animation, or a Shrek with its combination of characters from different animators and skewering of fairy tales, Enchantment might have had more of that �gee whiz� feeling you get with a Pixar movie. Me, I’m going to go watch Ratatouille again.

Yes, I know Pixar was considered a Disney company; but they operated independently until just recently. Starting in 2006, there was a merger between Pixar and the Disney Animation Studios. It remains to be seen if the sum of the parts will be greater than the whole, or if the Pixar genius will end up somehow diluted by The Mouse. Though will John Lasseter taking over and reviving the traditional animation studios at Disney, you get the feeling that it will be Disney animation that sees the most rewards from the merger.

What can’t be denied however, is that Pixar has never succumbed to the phenomena of celebrity voice casting, that has pervaded every animation movie since Aladdin. Even though Dreamworks animation has certainly had some success with films like Shrek, Shark Tales, A Bee Movie, etc. don’t their movies feel sorta cheap and lurid? It’s like the difference between dating Natalie Portman and Britney Spears. Sure both are impressive, but one of them will inevitably leaving you feeling empty inside.

Finally, anyone who has been following the developments of 2008’s Wall-E feels like this may be their best outing yet. Only time will tell, but the second trailer and all the early marketing promotions have just been marvelous.

In baseball, one out of three would get us into the Hall of Fame. Out here in Oysterland, everything tends to be about right now, what’s current, what’s hot, can you capture lightning in a bottle. So, we often end up in the odd position of recommending films after following their development, essentially reviewing “Films That Aren’t Out Yet.

We follow the buzz, pick and choose from other blogs, watch trailers, debate the merits of the cast and crew. In such fashion we (hopefully) recommended three recent releases this fall: Sleuth; Gone,Baby Gone and American Gangster.

The reality can often be difficult to swallow. Surprisingly, Sleuth, the one that was written by a Nobel laureate, directed by Kenneth Branaugh and starring Michael Caine and Jude Law was the one that sucked. So much so that it’s not even worth mentioning again in sentence.

Ben Affleck proved to have a sure hand in directing a taut, suspenseful thriller from a great novel by Denis Lehane. Good visuals without getting too fancy, good performances from the cast (who knew Casey Affleck could act?) and a tight plot made Gone, Baby Gone a fun time at the local theaterplex and an early contender for Oscar buzz. The taut thriller, secure in its direction, showed why Affleck loves his hometown warts and all. It also showed that Matt Damon might not necessarily be the smarter of the two and that Affleck clearly picked up a lot of pointers from the sets he has acted on. The ending even left much discussion about the nature of being right or wrong, good or bad. Can’t wait to see what he does for his follow up project.

American Gangster, according to some detractors, glamorizes Frank Lucas too much, but it’s hard to argue with the quality of the film. Ridley Scott channels Scorsese and Coppola in giving us this throwback to the Seventies style gangster movie. Denzel Washington is a force of nature as Lucas, and Russel Crowe gives his most complex performance since the last time he played a cop, ten years ago in L.A. Confidential.

A Daily Dose of movie & television links

-The internet is buzzing over the new The Dark Knight trailer.� It’s pretty rad.� We posted a bootlegged version of the trailer and the official version hit yesterday.� I haven’t stopped watching it since.� Also, someone bootlegged a copy of the six-minute prequel in front of I Am Legend on IMAX.� I’ve watched it and it’s safe to say I wish I just waited to see it on IMAX.� That would have been pretty rad, but the guy did a good job bootlegging it.

- George Clooney is directing a screwball comedy, Leatherheads, about the early days of professional football, written by sports scribe Rick Reilly (he used to write the back page at SI, but now works for ESPN), and it stars Renee Zelweger, The Office’s John Krazinski and of course, Clooney. � Looks like this one could be a fun romp, but nothing too serious.

- The Dallas remake that was supposed to star John Travolta and Jennifer Lopez, and has had all sorts of behind the scenes problems looks like it can’t possibly be any good.� Seriously, this sounds like a turd sandwich.

- Turns out you shouldn’t always bet on black, especially if it’s Wesley Snipes.� The actor has all but fell off the map, what with tax fraud allegations, but he finally speaks out to EW.

- The beautiful and talented Emmy Rossum (Phantom of the Opera, The Day After Tomorrow) has signed on to star in the upcoming adaptation of Dragonball.� Someone needs to get her an agent stat, because she’s got charisma to burn and should be doing better projects, but what do we know?� Dark Horizons has some set photos.
-� AFI has released their annual year end list of the best movies and television shows.� It should be noted that the American Film Institute only considers “American” film releases, though that seems like a nebulous proposition because non-American movies have showed up in the past like Lord of the Rings. �

- The Favs and Vince Vaughn are reteaming for the 2008 holiday flick, Four Christmases.� This one stars Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon, who rumors have it aren’t getting along on set because of Vaughn’s penchant for ad libbing scenes and her desire to rehearse beforehand, as a couple who attempt to visit both of their divorced parents during the holiday.

- Baz Luhrmann has finally wrapped production on his much anticpated follow-up to Moulin Rouge.� Australia has been gesticulating for quite a bit, but in it’s final form will star Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.� Kidman travels to the outback and fall in love with a rancher.� Elton John is being courted to do the soundtrack.� When asked about the film, John reported said, “It’s like Titanic on dry land.”� Sorry, that was the sound of me dry heaving.

- The good guys over at Joblo have the trailer for Will Smith’s next flick, the action-comedy Hancock.� It’s a strange title, but the premise sounds funny.� Smith stars as a down on his luck superhero who hires a PR guy to rehab his image.� Also Jason Bateman and Charlize Theron star.� Give Smith’s dominance of the box-office you can pencil in this one to make, oh, about a bazillion dollars.� It’s directed by Peter Berg, so it’s in good hands and Jason Bateman just kills us with his delivery.

- Speaking of Will Smith, I Am Legend made $76 million at the box-office this weekend.� That’s pretty ridonkulous. � Just goes to show you that even with mixed reviews, everyone should bow down to Will Smith.

Although I certainly understand what Jim was talking about. Almost all the shows are done with new episodes for the foreseable future.

Yet, I’d like to draw your attention to a phenomenon which has been under the radar. When you think of the TV landscape you may think of your favorite reality shows–American Idol, Survivor, Dancing With the Stars . . . whichever–but odds are you believe that this is another Golden Age of television drama. And you would be right.

We’re getting shows which are hits often without one big star, because they combine talented ensembles with excellent writing.

Crime dramas: Without a Trace, Life, Criminal Minds and Law and Order times three. Forensic crime shows: Cold Case, NCIS, Numbers and CSI times three. Medical dramas: ER, Grey’s Anatomy and House. SF/Fantasy: Battlestar Galactica, Heroes, Pushing Daisies and Medium. Anti-terrorism: 24 and The Unit.

I don’t know if TV Guide still picks a “Best Show You’re Probably Not Watching,” but this year’s is Friday Night Lights.
And that’s a category unto itself. It’s unfortunate a show this rich, layered and complex about the problems of high school and football in Texas has been relegated to the wasteland of Friday nights.

And that’s not even mentioning some of the basic cable shows, like The Shield, The Closer, Damages or The Riches (my personal choice for the show that can replace the Sopranos–more on that later). Cable outlets like FX, USA, TNT, TBS, AMC, Sci-Fi and A&E have all provided a home for adventurous, well-written television.

So, what’s the stealth phenomenon? Slowly, quietly, this has become a real Golden Age for comedies, as well. Yeah, Friends is gone, and so are Raymond, Tim Allen, Roseanne, Fraser and Cheers. For each of those traditional sit-coms, there is one probably equally good, if you think about it. My Name Is Earl, Scrubs, Back to You, Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men.

Jim was right, Neil Patrick Harris is in the zone amongst the other (really good) cast members in How I Met Your Mother. And there are the non-traditional comedies, The Office, Entourage, Ugly Betty, The Simpsons, Desperate Housewives, Extras, Family Guy, Weeds. The Emmy for best comedy went to 30 Rock, which, the more I watch, think may have actually deserved it.

So, I suggest you use the time you are not watching reruns, to go on line and catch episodes of some of these shows you may have missed. I especially recommend Big Bang Theory and Back to You, because they are new and need some love. but you must see all of the 30 Rocks. Even if you think Alec Baldwin is an asshole, that just makes him funnier. And Tina Fey is my future ex-wife.

It’s about to open, so we will all know soon, but I’m beginning to worry about I Am Legend. You would think: action movie + Will Smith = no brainer. In the ads, however, the weasels in marketing are pulling a fairly common con.

They flash about fifteen “excerpts” from reviewers that say things like “gripping!” and “exciting!” Except that the fifteen excerpts are not from separate reviews but the same three or four. And none of them are from Time. Rolling Stone or The New York Times or any reviewer you’ve ever heard of. One is Fox-TV, which could be any local reviewer from any Fox affiliate in the country.

Also, it seems like they may be marketing a different movie than the one they made. From what I’ve been told, it isn’t really a last-man-left-alive movie as much as it is a last-man-alive-fighting-off-vampires movie.

Reminds me of that movie from a couple years ago about “the most successful serial killer in history–who is still out there!” and it turned out to be an alligator.

I hope I’m wrong, ‘cuz Will is the best, but you have to watch out for the weasels. If they end up burning you, do all of us a favor and let the studios know what you think of their misleading marketing campaigns.

It seems as if, like me, you’re somewhat more into chick singers. Gotta tell you though, two of the`best live performances I have`ever scene (with great CDs to match) were from Tom Russell and Fred Eaglesmith. I hate`labels cuz they leave out as much as they reveal, but these guys are usually called Americana, or sometimes country or alternative country.

What sets them apart is really unique vocals and phenomenal songwriting. If I had to compare them to someone famous it’d be Lyle Lovett.

I don’t know where you stand on Norman Rockwell — over-rated hack who was really just an illustrator versus genius who could tell an entire short story with a few deceptively simple strokes–but I fall on the genius side. These guys are the same way with their song lyrics.

Listen to “Alcohol and Pills” or “Water in the Fuel” by Eaglesmith. If you can find Russell’s “Gallo del Cielo” heck, you don’t just get a short story you get an epic tragedy.

Also: Locally, the guys that wrote that well were Jesus Presley (might be defunct), Fernando Viviconte (myspace) and 17 Reasons Why. 17RW was led by singer/songwriter Sattie Clark and won a nation-wide contest for best unsigned band a few years ago for their album The Dark Years. I think Sattie is still kicking it around Portland.

A friend’s son is currently steaming his way to Afghanistan (you remember: the place where we actually were fighting terrorists and making military progress until we pulled out most of our troops to send to Iraq).� He’s Marine Forces Recon and is being deployed as part of a ten-man Airborne jump team.

His mom seems (outwardly) stoic, but all I can do is flashback on news footage of crashed helicopters. Or on the tragic waste of a life in the Pat Tillman incident.� Not that he wasted his life, but that the� command structure was so cavalier in its own carelessness and incompetence that it essentially threw him away as if he were garbage. And then pissed on the grave by lying and covering up to his family.

Over 70 percent of the country want the troops home.� We elected a bunch of� new people in ‘06.� What more can we do to keep men like this from dying over there?� It’s not a rhetorical question:� what more must we do?� I don’t want this kid coming home in a bag so Bush can� look resolute.� What can we do?

I wrote my best letter to the editor EVER last week to the Gorgonian.� Turns out they wanted to publish it as the lead in a group, along with a picture AND I NEVER GOT THE MESSAGE.� Their email was languishing in my junk drawer with about a hundred porn solicitaions.

So here’s the letter I wrote, concerning the fate of foster child Gabriel Allred.� He was ordered to be removed from his foster family and sent to live with his biological grandmother in Mexico.

I May Be Moving to Germany

One of the things seemingly forgotten in the hoopla surrounding the attempted deportation (let’s call it what it is) of Gabriel Allred to Mexico by DHS is that the child is a U.S. citizen.� The biggest problem in the whole mess, and the one nobody wants to talk about, is that the policy which Children’s Services uses to make these decisions is–and always has been–fundamentally flawed.� The policy–like that of many other equivalent agencies in other states–is to “preserve the biological family.”� That’s like their Prime Directive.

Somehow, the assumption that that is somehow automatically in the child’s best interest goes unspoken and unchallenged; and, until it is challenged successfully, we will have an unending number of cases where children are ripped from the only homes they have ever known, or reunited with parents under whose “care” they are likely to die or be killed.� As they are bureaucrats and not starship captains, they will never break the rules because it was the right thing to do.� Following the policy is always the right thing to do, or it wouldn’t be the policy. Duh!

The equivalent metaphor, here, is if Oregon decided it was policy to send random people with last names starting in B back to countries where they have ancestors.� Suddenly, I find myself in Germany, where I know no one, do not speak the language, know nothing of the culture, but someone has been found there who shares my name.

It sounds so absurd on its face, that we want to deny that this is what is happening to Gabriel; but the whimsical cruelty and pure arbitrariness are exactly the same.� It is like so many other social policies:� the ones with no power have no say. Let the wheels of bureaucracy crush all in their path.

Gotta Give Them Their Props.

If you read Neil Gaiman or Terry Pratchett of Douglas Adams you are probably already watching Pushing Daisies. If you are a fan of Tim Burton’s movies, you really should be watching. ABC’s Pushing Daisies is one of the best shows going on television. It’s a sweet natured story, created by Bryan Fuller - a man with a history of creating similar shows such as Wonderfalls and Dead Like Me.

A quick recap:

Ned is The Piemaker, a character who had a strange, Oliver Twist, Dickensian childhood, although the setting is neither in England nor the Victorian era. He has the ability to touch people and bring them back to life for up to one minute, after which he touches them again and they are gone forever.

Charlotte �Chuck� Charles was the unattainable object of Ned’s childhood affection. She was a mermaid�oddly enough, not a real mermaid, just a member of a famous family of synchronized swimmers. When she dies as an adult (in the pilot episode), Ned is able to revive her and keep her alive, but if he ever touches her again she’s dead for good.

Olive Snook is the Piemaker’s assistant, who had her eyes on Ned, and consequently has a prickly relationship with Chuck.

And Emerson Cod (don’t you love these names!) is a private detective. Ned decides he should use his powers to wake corpses, ask how they died, and perhaps solve their murders. Emerson helps in these investigations.

The stories are cute, and given a nice little twist by a Fractured Fairy Tales type narrator, but what makes this unlike anything you’ve seen on television is the production design. Although everything in the world except Ned is normal (at least in the sense of not supernatural), the look of the houses, stores, schools, town is right out of the village in Big Fish, maybe with a little Pee Wee’s Playhouse thrown in.

In the look of the show, I would have to include the casting. Lee Pace manages to make Ned seem constantly mournful, perhaps regretting all the missed affection from his childhood. Anna Friel as Chuck has an almost preternatural whimsical appeal, which makes you understand why Ned would want to keep her around even if he can never touch her. She couldn’t be cuter if she was a basket of puppies. Kristin Chenoweth is very funny, because she is small and cute, but her character Olive is a little annoying.

And special kudos to the props. Among which I would have to include Kristin’s breasts. This is not because I am a breast-obsessed uncouth male dickhead. For one thing, I am an ass man, thank you very much. But for such a small woman (4′11�), she has these incredibly round, full, and yes, jiggly breasts. In the show, they seem to have a life of their own which is why I am including them as a prop.

But the number one prop�again stretching the definition a bit�is the hilarious make up effects on the various maimed, mutilated, burned, etc. corpses. They aren’t funny in the over-the-top-horror way of, for example, the zombies in Roberto Rodriguez’s Planet of Terror. They are outright, laugh-out-loud funny. Exaggerated tire treads on a victim who was run over, horsehoe prints on the face of one who was trampled, you gotta see ‘em to believe ‘em. And then you’ll be hooked.

In short (I know, too late) props for the props of this whimsical, hyper-real fairy tale.

Pushing Daisies airs Wednesday at 8 p.m. on ABC. If you missed any of the episodes you can catch up at ABC.com

Tim Kring, et al., continue to deliver as they promised.

If you haven’t come back to Heroes yet, boy are you missing out.� Things are happening, people. Getting a little clearer.� Suresh, Bob, HRG:� good or evil?� You might be surprised.

A little less Claire, and a little more Elle.� Uh, that’s Elle, the Executioner.� (And Bob’s daughter.)� Hiro is back in the present, and learns that, even if he could save his father, it is probably best not to “play God.”� Isaac’s paintings are still coming true, but in unexpected ways.

And, in much the same way that a decent reason for watching Bionic Woman is as a lead in to Life, a good case could be made for watching Chuck since it’s the lead in for Heroes.� Despite its abysmal ratings, this has turned out to be a pretty funny and cute show without ever getting cutesy.� Big kudos have to go to the charm of the cast, Zachary Levi as Chuck, Joshua Gomez as best friend and fellow nerd Morgan, Yvonne Strahovski as Sara, the CIA agent who is supposed to protect Chuck, and particularly Adam Baldwin as the overzealous NSA agent who competes and sometimes cooperates with Sara.

Also, if you didn’t catch it on Monday, people are all abuzz about the appearance of Slusho in Heroes.� Actually, the cast was drinking it in funny behind the scenes type of shots, however, Elle was drinking it in the episode last night.

Slusho, for the� people scratching their heads, was a� slushy drink used by JJ Abrams first in Alias and then subsequently in other properties of his like Mission Impossible III and recently in the promos for the monster flick Cloverfield.� Is there a connection other than good buddy Greg Grunberg?� We shall see.

I wholeheartedly and freely admit to having a thing for “so-called” children’s literature. Loved and still might at any time re-read The Black Cauldron books, The Chronicles of Narnia, Harry Potter, E.B. White, Huckleberry Finn or Prince and the Pauper, Rikki Tikki Tavi, The Little Prince, the list goes on.

So, could someone please explain to me the appeal of Oxford professor Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy? We have a star-studded, effects-laden movie coming up which may or may not be good on its own. But I just didn’t get the series as a whole. Yeah, it created its own, kind of interesting, semi-parallel world. But somehow I missed the point.� What’s the appeal on a non-story level?

Is it anti-Catholic? Anti-religion? Pro-religion in some Narnian way I don’t perceive? If it’s just another LOTR-style, good vs. evil, apocalyptic story, I thought the sides weren’t very clear.

Am I the only one in the dark on this one?

I’m Baaaaaack

I have been gone from the hallowed halls of oysterdom for a while. Waiting�in vain, as it turned out�for the outpouring of reaction from the oysterites, asking, �Where has he gone? We are bereft without Big Rob’s wisdom and guidance!�

I’d like to be able to claim I have been in a disgust-induced coma, due to the fact that Big Tobacco was so easily able to buy your vote for a mere $12 million. That would be as untrue as their ad campaign, though. Truth is, I was Actually ill for awhile. But watching and waiting, always thinking. And now, I’m ready to spew forth. Get back!

If You Gave Up on Heroes, Come Back, All Is Forgiven

All of your complaints about this season’s Heroes were legitimate. Even show creator Tim Kring acknowledged the mistakes.

The last episode went a long, long way toward setting things right. We find out the beginning of Maya’s story. We find out what happened to Peter and Nathan after the explosion in New York, how Peter lost his memory, and why Elle is so intense on nailing him (so to speak).

We find out what happened to D.L. and how Niki ends up working for the Company. We get yet more contradictory information about the Company (good or evil?) as one of its founders, Adam, appears to be a prisoner of the Company yet helps Peter escape and heals Nathan.

We get more Kristin Bell. (Can there be enough?)

In summary, we no longer are being presented with more and more questions and characters or slow moving plots without getting at least some answers along the way.

I Brought It to You Oysterites First

If you took my recommendation, and have been watching Back to You, well done. If you have not yet got around to watching an episode, yesterday would have been a good time to start. This has all the earmarks of those classic Frasier episodes which were pure farce�meaning side-splittingly hilarious�yet never lost sight of why we care for the characters, and why they care for each other.

Chuck (Kelsey Grammer) was still unhappy that Kelly (Patricia Heaton) had not told their daughter Gracie that he is her father. Now it is Gracie’s eleventh birthday, and Kelly has it all planned out. Of course, Chuck, along with the rest of the top-notch cast, managed to be there, and there was something about a crazed raccoon.� Worth every second.� And please don’t bemoan the sitcom until you give this show a chance.� It’s not reinventing the wheel, but it certainly is funny.

Bionic Woman Still Looks Strong

Much has been made about all the behind the scenes shake-ups in the writing/producing crew behind Bionic Woman. I have to say, it has not evidenced itself in what shows up on the air (at least so far).

The show has been pretty consistent, carrying on with its basic themes: Jamie’s discomfort at being treated like a project instead of a person; her personal conflicts in having to lie to her little sister, Becca, her desire to be a good �mom� to Becca vs, Becca’s tendency to be the �rebellious teen�; her continuing learning curve regarding her abilities and limitations.

They did seem to drop the �evil prototype� story kind of precipitously, hence the lack of Katie Sackoff for all you Portlanders, but I have faith she will return in interesting ways.

And, as a bonus, BW is the lead in for what remains as one of the best written and acted new series, Life. Brownshirt alert: Olivia, a recurring character on the show, who is theoretically supposed to marry Crewes’ dad, is played by Christine Hendricks - Mal’s �wife� from Firefly. She amusingly turns Charlie’s friend Ted (Adam Arkin) into a gibbering pile of mush merely by her presence.

Mmmmm…. Pretty

There must be something in the ink at Advertising Age magazine. How else to explain such disparate agencies coming up with simultaneous campaigns which each use cool, sexy, hypnotic female vocals in the songs for their TV commercials?

If you’re like me, when you hear a cool song, and don’t know who recorded it, you will drive yourself CRAZY trying to find out.

The first ad wasn’t too difficult. It was Feist, doing “1-2-3-4″ in the Apple iPod commercial. Insanity partially averted. Amazing how this one ad catapulted this Canadian pop singer from relative obscurity (she was already immensely popular amongst music bloggers and those in the know) into a household name. She’s on Letterman getting her friends to sing backup, she’s selling out large concert hall venues, etc.

Next, there was the Liberty Mutual Insurance commercial. This was the “Responsibility” ad. I eventually discovered the song was by a band called Hem, off of their self-released CD, “Rabbit Songs.” The song is “Half Acre” although one blogger seems to think it is a different Hem song.

Most difficult was a very addictive song for–of all things–the Oregon Humane Society. Their TV ad to “End Petlessness” has a song by Portland singer/songwriter, Laura Gibson. The song is called “Hands in Pocket,” play the YouTube commercial, below; click on it to get related links including a full length video of Gibson singing the song at the Doug Fir Lounge.

[Jim here: not to step on Big Rob's toes or anything but I'd like to chime in with my own female singing commercial which drives me crazy. It's the Old Navy commercial and the song is "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson. She looks like Lisa Loeb's younger sister. She's got the whole sexy glasses/sexy singer thing going on. I want her to marry me.]

I would like to say, “Sanity completely restored” but I’m more honest with myself than that.

Mp3: Feist - “1-2-3-4″
Mp3: Hem - “Half Acre”
Mp3: Laura Gibson - “Hands in Pockets”
Mp3: Ingrid Michaelson - “The Way I Am”

Thanks to EW we’ve got a list of the “25 Awesome Action Heroes.” And we say shame on them for that makes things easy. It’s easy to rundown the usual suspects like John McClane, Ripley, Indiana Jones, The Bride, The Terminator, etc. etc.

If you feel like looking at that list then we say all the power to you. But we have an Important Question for the Ages and I think it requires a definitive answer.

Who is the absolute worst action star actor ever?

Seriously… think of it. There are some great ones, especially given the plentitude of one-hit wonders.

Don �The Dragon� Wilson? Jeff Speakman? Sylvester Stallone? Michel Dudikoff? Steven Seagal (somehow he mad EW’s list)? Arnold Schwarzenegger (again how is he on EW’s list)? Jean-Claude Van Damme? Chuck Norris? Victor Mature? Cynthia Rothrock? Brian Bosworth?

Tough choices, all. And I’m sure we’re forgetting some. But I’m sure there must be one that stands out for you as especially cringe-inducing. It’s only a little over a year until the election, people! Let’s start warming up our debate skills. Who do you think must have been an immigrant from the land of Catatonia? Who made you wish you could see the movie without the sound? Which performance convinced you that the lead actor must have had some good sharp photos of the director with an underage girl?

Cast your vote in the comment section below; chop, chop. (Get it? It means hurry up, but we’re talking about chop-sockey films, and I � oh, never mind.) We’ll compile them, come up with a definitive top 10 and include video evidence for your pleasure. �

And by worst we mean the action heroes everybody secretly gets a kick out of watching.